Archive for the “Before Madness” Category

I have a list. I have a few lists, actually. But this post concentrates on one in particular. Lists are fun, right!? 1. Lists are a fun way to describe things. B. Everyone has time to create lists. And 2. You can count them out on your fingers as you list them to your friends! Yey!

So the list I want to share with you all is one of the lack of concern of money involved when making a purchase.

Picture yourself at the grocery store. You are staring at the plethora of bacon in the meat section of the back wall. First you are thinking, ‘God DAMN thats a lot of bacon.’ Then, of course, you are trying to locate the bacon of your choice. You could go with the store brand cheap stuff, the name brand expensive stuff, or the one that’s on sale for the week. What should you do?

This list is of items that you can’t spend too much money on. Whatever the price, its worth it, buy the expensive bacon. You’ll thank yourself the next time you sit down for breakfast. Here’s my top ten:

  1. Bacon – It cooks better, and tastes a world apart from the cheap stuff
  2. Toilet Paper – You deserve your personal winning combination of strength & softness
  3. Paper Towels – Smearing spilled milk across the kitchen table again?
  4. Bedding – Any man trying to impress a woman knows the value of 600 thread count sheets
  5. Liquor – Come on! Have you ever tasted Vladamir’s Vodka!?
  6. Trash Bags – You’ll thank me the next time the top lip gets torn half way to the dumpster
  7. Underpants – Whatever your style, throw in the little extra to get a waistband that will last more than a week
  8. Jeans – How can you calculate the value of a good pair of jeans? You can’t
  9. Shower Liner – Get the expensive heavy weight one with metal rings. It won’t tear, plus it lays flat instead of wandering towards your leg with the slightest bit of steam
  10. Cling Wrap – Preserve your food with some dignity next time. The good stuff will keep you from throwing out a ball of wrap for every bowl you cover.

Hope you learned something today. Now take this new-found knowledge and spread the love!

david j

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First of all, let me say that I am not a drug user. I have never smoked crack, snorted cocaine, shot heroin, or licked a frog. I also don’t think there is anything wrong with smoking grass. For some people I have known, its not a good idea, and its not really my bag baby, but its no more harmful than drinking whiskey. In fact, a few shots of whiskey is probably more harmful than a few bong hits. But last weekend I indulged in what I consider the most fun drug for the recreational psychedelic adventurer, mushrooms. I have only eaten mushrooms on a handful of occasions and have really enjoyed the experience. The effects (from what I’ve heard cause I’ve never done it) are a lot like that of dropping acid, but without the terrible feeling the next day from having a manufactured chemical in your bloodstream. It also seems like it is easier to control the severity and length of the trip. Let me tell you about mine.

I ate very little, knowing that my drug experience is very limited. My tolerance is going to be a lot lower, and knowing how much fun ‘shrooms are, I didn’t want to ruin the trip by feeling my body/head fighting the loss of control. I had only one cap, a few 4″ stems, and some crumbs. I always liked the taste, so I ate them straight up.

I was with a friend that lives in a townhouse community that is right on a golf course. After chowing down, we hopped on a couple of beach cruisers and rode across the course to a gas station a mile or two away. ‘Shrooms take about 30 minutes to start to take effect and nearly an hour before you are completely surrounded by the experience, so we wanted to get some supplies before it was too late. After picking up plenty of flavored water, candy, and cigarettes, we hopped back on the beach cruisers and decided to go to the far opposite end of the golf course where there is a local watering hole. Remember that all the cruising we were doing is at night, with nearly a full moon, on the golf cart paths in the middle of a golf course. You couldn’t ask for a more perfect setting.

We went to this bar, but when realizing that the mushrooms were beginning to take affect, decided to get back to the safety of the golf course. Crowded places never seem to be an enjoyable environment when you are in that state of mind.

So we got back on the golf course, and rode through the golf course while our motor functions were still somewhat operable. At this point the sprinklers systems started activating throughout the golf course (remember I live in a desert) which kind of gave the course a life of its own. There is just the light of the moon over a completely deserted golf course guiding us around. Water was shooting over the cart path as we rode under and the shadows created by what I assumed was a cool breeze through the trees was casting the most spectacular show of shadows across the fairways. The only problem was that there was no breeze. I was now fully consumed in a reality that was under the persuasion of fungus.

Throughout the rest of the night, we enjoyed the golf course and all the adventure that having one all to yourself can bring in a night. The silhouettes of the branches of the trees surrounding us were just amazing to watch. They were twisting and turning in a growing motion towards one another, very similar to the effect seen in the carpet scene in Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. The grass of the course was waving almost like it was water. Things were moving all around me shadows, highlights, tree branches, and stars. The sober mind would disagree, though.

At one point I went into his house to take a wiz. It was so quiet in there that by the time I got up the stairs and found myself in the bathroom, the sound of each step was so exaggerated that when looking down at the toilet I felt like I was a giant. It was so weird, and all I could do was smile and enjoy the absurdity of the situation.

Anyway, It was a great experience, and I look forward to the next adventure, which probably won’t happen for another 10 years. I’d like to take a blank canvas and do some painting next time.

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Remember my first blog? It seems like so long ago. Before I deleted it, I downloaded the database to my hard drive just in case I ever wanted to look back. Well, I just got finished looking back on a few old posts, and feel that a few of them deserve to live in an accessible space in this world instead of hiding in a folder on my computer. So I’m adding a new category named Before Madness which contains highlights of the blog that started it all. Check it out if you’d like, comment if you dare. Although I hope you enjoy it, It’s really more for me than it is for you.

Look for one tomorrow.

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