Archive for the “Away From Here” Category

So, I’m back from 6 days in Vegas for a pool tournament, at about 90%. There is one thing that is important to understand. After 2.5 days in Vegas, you can’t wait to come home. So I’ll say this at the top of my lungs, “Fuck Vegas!” I hope I never go back.

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Nationals was fun. I went undefeated. I played some of the best pool of my life. But I will not be ready to go back to Vegas for about 2 years. And even a free room won’t convince me to stay at the Riviera ever again.

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Australia. Desk. Chicken Roll. Although Australia is not known for their “famous” chicken roll, they are quite popular. I wasn’t impressed.

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Sounds like a morning radio show, doesn’t it? But in this case, Dunny, bog, and the boot are all words for restroom in Australia.

When I first arrived at my hotel late into the night, I couldn’t wait to do the following: restroom, brush my teeth, and go to sleep, in that order. I just needed to make sure I did the first and last in that order or I might have left a present for the cleaning lady. So, I did my business. When I went to flush, I reached for the handle, only to find that there was no handle. I was met with 2 buttons.

I figured maybe one was to flush, and one would shoot water up. If that was the case, though, I would expect them to be clearly labeled. I tried pressing one, not much happened. I tried pressing the other, same thing. I pressed both, held them in, and got the action I was looking for. I learned that one button is for number 1 and one for number 2, although I’m still not sure which is which. I went for the double barrel every time.

Another interesting thing I found in Australian dunny’s is that public restrooms implemented the peeing wall. I can only imagine that the reason for these bathrooms being created is because aboriginals would miss urinals and kick off the toilet handles.

Yeah, I went to the other side of the earth to take pictures of bathrooms.

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Souvenirs to bring back from Australia: Boomerang, check. Didgeridoo, check. Kangaroo scrotum??? I would have brought more money if I knew these were available! Talk about dominating over another species…

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I visited Perth. It is the city that the town I am staying in (Joondalup) is a suburb of. The train takes you right into it’s heart.

About 10 paces after exiting the train, I could tell that this isn’t where I wanted to be. It was like walking around any mall in America, and I wanted nothing to do with it. It’s cute, I guess, and I might have been able to tolerate the ridiculousness of it if I had Jen with me. But I didn’t, so I picked a direction, and started walking.

After a few miles, I entered a section called Northbridge. There, I found old trees, chinatown, and a few bars that I will likely explore in my own little pub crawl next weekend. After entering Northbridge, I hit a cross street (pictured below) which let to chinatown. I even found the only record shop I have come across out here. The shop was small, only sold records, and the owner seemed like he had nothing pleasant to offer, so I walked on.

I continued on my walkabout on to what would be my favorite spot. I saw water in the distance, so naturally, I headed straight for it. There were great views of the city, along with the tranquility of a park where I sat and looked out for a while.

In case you are wondering, gators don’t harbor in Swan River. At least they didn’t seem to. Shucks.

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I’ve been in Australia for about 4 and a half days now, and I’ve learned one thing, $20 does not get you very far in Australia. Here is a list of things you can get for $20 Australian Dollars. Keep in mind that this is not factoring the current US dollar value (being valued at about .95 to the Australian dollar). Here goes:

For $20 dollars I can get:

  • 1 modest lunch (no drinks)
  • 1 bottle of shitty wine with a screw top
  • 1 6-pack of beer
  • 1 pack of cigarettes
  • 4 cups of coffee from McDonalds
  • 2 airplane size one-shot bottles of booze
  • 2 all day passes on the train

What does this mean to me? Transportation is cheap. Consumables are way past expensive. Before I bought my first pack of cigarettes, an Australian bum asked to, well, bum a smoke. Later that day when I bought my first pack, I seriously considered tracking that fucker down to get it back.

And a 6 pack for $20!?!? I have yet to walk inside the doors of a bar because I can only imagine the price of 1 beer. And no, you don’t get a great discount when you buy a case. I’ll have to do some research on the value of a keg. Also, a normal bottle of whiskey (the one that is about a liter, not the handle jug) will run about $80.

On the upside, however, I have a beer or glass of wine as I’m getting ready for work in the morning, and here in the office they keep a fridge stocked with beer. Oh, and drinking is encouraged at lunch. At this rate I’m gonna leave Australia with lunch cancer, liver disease, and no money.

Also, did you know that I am living in the future? Yes, the day of week is one day ahead of you, along with the date. But the time difference is 15 hours. Figure that shit out.

Here’s my walk to work in the morning:

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I’m about halfway through my Hong Kong layover, and am tired and hungry. I was provided a complimentary breakfast on my long flight from LA to Hong Kong, and decided to go with the squid and scallop porridge. The choice was between that or eggs and bacon. Not sure I made the right choice, but I wasn’t going to let a breakfast like that slip past me. Gave it a go, and will be happy to go with eggs and bacon next time. I’ve been a farty fella wondering the Hong Kong airport.

Notable occurance: Man walks up to a recycling bin. Man discards what looks like an unused napkin. Man hocks a luggy in the bin. Man then clears both nostrils in the bin with wet and stringy snot rockets. Makes me wonder why he threw away the napkin first. No one seemed to pay any mind.

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It’s been a long time. Months.

I’m heading to Australia on Monday. I’ll be there for a couple weeks. I have a 7 hour layover in Hong Kong. The trip each way takes over 34 hours. Should be worth a story or two.

F Eddie.

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We sure have been posting a lot here at Destroyed By Madness headquarters! We’re going for our highest hit rate ever this month. I’ll report the disappointing results on July 1st. Let’s get on with it…

I took literally hundreds of photos while in Cabo, and may try to wrap it up with a few notable ones in this post. It may be my last covering Cabo San Lucas. I’m not sure yet. Jen and I had a blast, and I can only hope for a few more vacations as relaxing, and as enjoyable as this one in my lifetime. I will likely be looking for a buried treasure that doesn’t exist. No cell phone, no computer, no connections to anyone or anything other than who and what is right in front of me is more than I could ever ask for. Try it sometime.

First, from the kayaking trip out, you would expect to see thousands of this exact same picture if you googled the Cabo arch. So who am I to defy the obligation? Here it is.

We enjoyed an afternoon at the swim-up bar at our resort. I actually had a use for my waterproof digital camera. Who knew. I’m always looking to have the same explosive thumbs-up as the man, the myth, the legend, Billy Mitchel. Didn’t quite pull it off.

We also stumbled upon a Bar called The Drinking Team Sports Bar. It was an experience that must have been epic if only we’d been there a week earlier during Spring Break. It’s a drink special comparable to the infamous Bob & Barbara’s Pabst Blue Ribbon & shot of Jim Beam special found on South Street in Philadelphia. Check out this drink special!

And although you may not feel as connected to this photo as I, it pretty much sums up our vacation. It was taken during our last breakfast on the rooftop Mexican restaurant at the resort where we stayed. The food was spectacular, the service was friendly, and the company was unforgettable. If you have a mimosa while reading this, cheer me.

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And last, but not least, we found the hot-dog stand we were looking for a couple of hours after the tamales. These were not your average hot-dogs, either! They were wrapped in bacon with sauces, onions, peppers, and the cherry on top was the roasted jalapeno on top. YUM!


Yeah, the best food is found on the streets. How we didn’t come home with e-coli is a mystery…


See ya next time homies!

 

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