Archive for the “Still A Geek At 30” Category

I enjoy creating things that do not exist. Although I can’t imagine this will impress anyone in my audience, I am quite proud of my ingenuity. Before I created it, I searched high and low on the web to find something that could satisfy my need. I didn’t find it. So I took an hour, figured out the math, and wrote a little javascript to create this application. The link takes you to a page where you can convert a CMYK value into a hex value. It’s exactly what I was looking for, and this one of a kind was invented by yours truly. Enjoy!

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Back in June my pool team won the final 2 day tournament to qualify for the national tournament in Vegas. I’ll be there next week working on getting a big check (it better be a physically large check like they present people in bathrobes in publishers clearing house commercials). The tournament goes from Sunday the 18th to Saturday the 24th. Part of the prize so far is a room for a week in Vegas and $200 spending money. Wish me luck!


In honor of the pool tournament, I bought a new pool cue and bag for the occasion. It might be hard for you to understand, but this cue has taken my game to an entirely new level. If you know anything about english or deflection, you would understand. While emptying my old bag, I found a heap of patches that I’ve earned for making patch-worthy shots. They are for things like break and run (break and never miss a shot to win the game), 8 ball break (hitting in the 8 ball off the break equaling an automatic win), same for 9-ball, and countless others (including MVP twice!) I was thinking it would be funny to cover a sombrero with these patches, and wear it every time I shot pool. I’m taking ideas.


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In my generation, the original Nintendo Entertainment System was the shit. The NES was a giant leap from the Atari 2600 and Commodore 64. I had both of those, but for some reason, the Nintendo was the first to utilize a background other than a black backdrop. It is a shame that generations being raised with video games will never know those classic games. Or maybe they are lucky. I haven’t decided yet.

But, I loved those old games. Super Mario Brothers, Zelda, Kung Fu, Duck Hunt, Kid Icarus, Castlevania, Double Dragon, there’s really too many to mention in one blog post. They were addictive and held my youth hostage for days. Remember having to leave your NES on for an entire weekend or longer to beat a game? This was before you could save your game. Beat it in one sitting or fuck off, was what Nintendo said. The balls on them…

I bought a Nintendo recently. Yes its the year 2011 and I bought a Nintendo Entertainment System. Good shit. I’ve been playing Super Mario Brothers 3, Rygar, Kung Fu, and a slew of others. It has been fun.

But in true Nintendo fashion, some games would give me the blue screen, look a bit scrambled, or flicker on and off. You probably remember the remedy, let’s call it the Nintendo blow. I blew in the bottom of the cartridge and maybe in the NES by lifting the little flap, and jiggled the game until it came on. Some games were easier to start than others, but eventually I could get the game going again.

But the games weren’t especially dusty, so I started wondering what the blow was really doing. There are contacts on the cartridge and contacts in the NES that line up to read and display code in the form of images, rules, and reactions, so jiggling the game until it catches makes sense. But where does the blow come in? I thought about this for a while until it hit me. The same way you can see your breath in cold weather, or fog up a window by breathing on it, there are water vapors in your exhaled breath. Water is a conductor of electricity, so a little bit on the contacts from your breath makes the connection for your old school NES like NEW!

So I don’t blow any more. I use a stash of q-tips and rubbing alcohol to make the connection, and leave the blowing for the girls. With this method, I get each game humming on the first try.

Still have to jiggle it, just a little bit.

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This is because Jay has no idea what Captain EO is. You can watch the full 17 minutes of Michael Jackson history in two parts on the youtube. This is the same as the short film you watch in Disneyland, titled Captain EO, minus the fantastic 3D. It’s awesome…

And part 2:

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Jen might punch me in the nose because she doesn’t like the picture, but I feel like I would be selfish to keep this photo to myself. Here is the debut of SPACE MOUNTAIN on DbM! Enjoy…

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Remember when Michael Jackson was black? He used to be alive also. I took Jen to Disneyland for her birthday, and do you know what I found out? I found out that Michael Jackson has been black all along. It’s like the blinds I’ve been wearing have finally been lifted and the truth revealed. The secret was shared as to why he looked white for the last few decades of his life. It’s because we weren’t wearing the special secret glasses that show his true colors! We now have the technology.

Here’s what He looks like without glasses:

But when Jen & I put on our magic glasses…

Michael Jackson reveals his true color.

I love Captain EO. I remember seeing it at Disneyworld in Florida when it first came out back in the late 80’s. My dad bought me a Captain EO tshirt back then. I thought it was super cool. This time around, I bought 2 tshirts and a hat! Disneyland was a ton of fun and a great way to spend Jen’s birthday. It truly is the happiest place on earth. It is also the blackest place on earth when you put on your magic glasses!

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Who is AK “Catman”

AK is the humble yet successful son of Bill and Dottie. He had a rather enjoyable childhood where the world of sports mostly dominated his life. Excelling at many sports he played Basketball, Baseball, Soccer, and Football all through High School. He has had success with women, but is not the ladies man of the Pener gang. Probably most believed for his crazy antics and crude mind he plays somewhat of a Murdock role within the gang, co-writing a number of fucking kick ass songs and always ready to insult the weakest link of any group. Following a massive knee injury, AK (Catman) became known as FAK (Fat AK) because of the weight put on. He would fluctuate between thin and fat settling into a medium build; however, the names and persona of FAK remain. He attended and graduate the University of Maryland with an Honors degree in Anthropology and a second degree in history. Catman (the meaning behind the name is classified I could tell you but then I would have to kill you!) currently is enrolled in a Master’s program in Social Anthropology at the Main Campus of the University of London (University College).

Over the years Catman has most enjoyed the extras that go along with being a gang member. The access to women, the frivolous expenses, the free flow of drugs and alcohol, and the satisfaction of knowing when someone fucks with you they feel the heat of Seven Peners breathing down their neck. I have tried my hardest to keep the gang on the level, during gang wars and police investigations. Catman’s future within the Peners is as always a prosperous one, set with the goal of continued Doylestown domination. Whores, Bitches and Hoes watch out when the Catman is on the prowl, meow, meow.

Happy birthday FAK!

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  1. Things are on the up and up in my world. Summer is here and everything is warm and beautiful.
  2. I’m going to take apart my motorcycle again to swap out my handlebars with much lower profile ones, include some bar end mirrors, and throw on some Robby Robot fork gaiters. Bike customization is addictive, and I’ve been looking forward to get back at it since last time.
  3. Traveling home in a few days and look forward to indulging in a Roy Rogers Goldrush, Wawa diet green tea, and a Yuengling Lager. Not in that order. Family and friends are not an afterthought. Oh yeah, and there is my sisters wedding (minor detail).
  4. I am competing in the city championships in pool on Saturday at the Hungry Stick. If we win this tournament (my 9ball team), we move on the the final round in Vegas. I am back at a skill level 6 out of 7, which means that the ladies are all up in my jawn again. Impressed? I know.
  5. I am reading like a madman, picking up a new book about every week or two. Its a fun hobby, and makes me want to write a novel of my own.
  6. Fantasy football season is rapidly approaching like a kick in the balls to my work life. Hooray!

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So I got in to work this morning, and decided I needed to hear the song You’re The Best by Joe “Bean” Esposito. So I went to iTunes only to find it can’t be purchased as a stand-alone track. It’s only available through 2 soundtracks, and only if you purchase the entire album. The 2 soundtrack albums are The Karate Kid, and The King Of Kong. I might have thought of getting the King Of Kong soundtrack, but Leonard Cohen’s Everybody Knows isn’t even on it! So like I’ll do all too often, I resorted to surfing to find it. It will be available at the bottom of this post.

Once I had the song, I needed to associate artwork with it, and decided to go with The King Of Kong over The Karate Kid. So I Googled for it and whammo! That’s when I realized that the villain of that weird Donkey Kong movie has an extraordinary thumb, and he’s always showing it off. Here’s the one and only Billy Mitchell giving me, you, and everyone we know more than a few resounding thumbs-up. And to think I wasn’t going to post today…

The classic thumbs up never goes out of style.

The side view satan spawn version.

The gay disco stance point & thumbs up for his alternative lifestyle fans.

This is where thumb-ups are formed. Also known as the constipated lazy-thumb.

The special needs thumbs-up.

The thumbs-up pocket hide. Sweet.

More than knowing when, knowing when not to is parimount.

Joe ‘Bean’ Esposito – You’re The Best

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There once was a bar. And in this bar there was a bathroom for men that boys use. And in this bathroom there was a sign. And on this sign there was an advertisement. Also on this sign there was a classic display of the evolution of man. Here is the picture:

And here’s the exchange:

Sign says “Manchester”
Soccer fan adds “Manchester United”
Not a soccer fan adds “Manchester United Sucks!!”
Milf hunter adds “So Does Your Mother!!”
Brother-in-law adds “Your Sisters Better”
Republican writes “Obama Sucks”
MMA fan writes “UFC Thug”
White supremacist writes “Nazi Honey” with an arrow pointing to the bee.

It all adds up to something that should really be in a museum. In fact, I’m pretty sure I could pass myself off as an artist by collecting and exhibiting these kinds of exchanges as a form of ready-made art showing the degradation and struggle of man. Rich people would come and call it genius while we know that I’m just another idiot. But those who come to hand me money would be even more foolish.

The real questions is, though, what kind of man brings a pen into the bathroom?

Also, if you get a chance, and haven’t already, check out the song Love Like a Sunset (Pt I & II) by Phoenix. It’s perfect.

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